As humans we learn two ways of coping with hurt: forgiveness and retaliation. We know that forgiveness is the right answer, if it were on a multiple choice test we would all pick it because every children's story we've ever read tells us that revenge is not satisfying. But it is. In the moment it makes us feel strong, like justice has finally been served.
However, retaliation is not a long term solution. It's like drinking a soda when you are dehydrated. In the moment it's great but it's not what's best for you. Retaliation forces you to be consumed by the situation. Now your attention is taken away from the things you love and the people you care about. When you choose retaliation you choose to donate your time and effort to the person to hurt you.
Secondly, there is not such thing as getting even. There is only tipping the scales. Forgiveness guarantees one healed person. Retaliation guarantees two hurt people. Forgiveness promises that the hurt stops there. Retaliation promises that it never ends.
So why don't we choose forgiveness? It seems like a no brainer right? Well, here's what we don't like about forgiveness:
1. It does not guarantee that the other person will regret their actions. They might not ever be sorry for what they did. Forgiveness means that what they did does not own you, it means you move forward regardless of where they are at.
2. It's hard. Forgiveness is like rehabing a bad injury. It sucks. It's so much work to be able to do something that seems so simple. Forgiveness is more than a one time choice, it's a commitment. Forgiveness is a commitment to move forward even when the perfect opportunity for retaliation arises, it's a commitment that even when you are exhausted and hurt you will continue to try. But like rehab forgiveness gives us the chance to overcome that which has left us broken.
I'm in the midst of intense hurt, the kind that doesn't feel like it will ever go away. And to be honest, I am a long, long way forgiveness....
